Today on the way to Play School (think pre-pre school) I caught a glimpse of you in the back seat. All handsome and quietly looking out the window. How are we in this stage; where you now leave mommy to spend time with other adults and children while I run errands with your baby brother?
Childhood, and parenthood for that matter, are just a string of stages we carefully, yet optimistically navigate. In your dad and my case case we tend to look back more than forward it seems. We were just lamenting the other night how, in what feels like days, your vocabulary has changed. No longer do you say "structions" (instructions) or "The kea" (Ikea). When we still use your toddler slang, you now correct us. You no longer wake in the night or give us much grief at bedtime. You are even allowing us to take your picture again. Quietly and swiftly we have moved into this preschool stage. This stage where you are becoming more and more independent. You want to try everything and can do it yourself. My heart quietly shattered in a million pieces one morning when I heard you proudly exclaim from your room, "I don't need your help mom" as you got yourself dressed.
When I picked you up after school today I held your brother in the adjoining room listening to you sing the songs you try to remember and recite at home. Being the emotional type, and 100 times more so since you made me a mom - I just stood there trying to pick your voice out from the group and reflecting. The privilege of being a parent isn't something I take for granted and as we seem to be on this warp speed journey together I find myself trying to burn these moments to memory. Your brother whom is in his own different independent stage, now that he is 1, snuggled into the crook of my neck for those few minutes. I could smell his fresh washed hair and the softness of his little pea coat. It was as if he knew at that moment mom could use that snuggle that seems to come less and less from him now. Moments passed and the teacher let us into the room. I am relieved to find you are still excited to see me when you spot me in the crowd of parents and run toward me, as I dread the day that stage too has passed.
Once we are to the car it is the typical chaos of putting 2 kids in car seats, taking coats off, shuffling things around. Again I look in the backseat and the 2 of you are laughing, reaching for each other, happily kicking and trying to see who can squeal louder. I drive home reminding myself these moments are just mere steps in our fast, ever changing life that will be soon replaced with lots and lots of other stages, but I wouldn't change a moment of it.
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